A Cotton Ball with a Needle in It
Although Judo, Jiu-Jitsu, and kickboxing are the primary arts I teach in my academy, I have studied several other martial arts over the course of my lifetime. I spent about ten years training in Shao-Lin Kung Fu, an experience that broadened my perspective on martial arts as a whole. Chinese martial arts, for the most part, are known for their flashy, dynamic movements, exotic weaponry, and a philosophical undertone that often feels mysterious to outsiders. When I was training in Shao-Lin, we were required to study both the hard and soft styles of Kung Fu.
The hard style consisted of animal forms, weapon techniques, and sparring. At the time, I was young, full of energy, and naturally drawn to the fast, powerful, and aggressive aspects of martial arts. The thought of learning to wield traditional weapons and execute explosive strikes was exhilarating. However, no matter how much I enjoyed the physicality of the hard style, we were also required to train in the soft style, which included Tai Chi, Pa Kua, and Xing Yi.
At the time, I didn’t fully appreciate the importance of these softer arts. They lacked the intensity and raw aggression that attracted me to martial arts in the first place. They required patience, control, and a deep understanding of energy and balance—qualities that didn’t exactly match my youthful enthusiasm. However, looking back now, with decades of experience in Jiu-Jitsu and Judo, I see that many of the principles I once overlooked in soft-style training are actually more applicable to grappling and self-defense than the hard-style techniques I once loved. But we’ll get into that later.
The Wisdom of an Unlikely Teacher
During my time training in Kung Fu, I had the opportunity to learn from a Tai Chi instructor named Keith—at least, I think his name was Keith. He was significantly older than me, practiced only internal martial arts, and held a rather dismissive view of the harder styles. Because of the age gap and our vastly different philosophies on martial arts, we were never particularly close. I suspect that, from his perspective, I was just another overenthusiastic 19- or 20-year-old, eager to fight but lacking patience and wisdom.
Now that I’m older—probably older now than he was back then—I can appreciate his perspective much more. If I had to teach my younger self, I’d likely find myself frustrated by my own impatience, eagerness to prove myself, and occasional arrogance. If I’m being completely honest, some of those traits still show up from time to time. But back then, Keith saw something in me, and despite our differences, he shared a piece of wisdom that has stayed with me for nearly three decades.
One day, during a class discussion, he said:
"Tai Chi is like a cotton ball with a needle in it."
At the time, I didn’t give the analogy much thought. But now, all these years later, I see the value in it—not just for Tai Chi (Which I believe is a great exercise and a terrible self-defense tool), but for martial arts in general, and even for life itself.
What It Means to Be a Cotton Ball with a Needle
The idea behind Keith’s analogy was simple:
A martial artist should be soft, light, and approachable on the outside—like a cotton ball—but if someone presses too hard, underestimates, or tries to take advantage, they will feel the needle hidden inside.
Now, as a seasoned martial artist, I find this concept more relevant than ever. As we develop and strive for mastery in Judo and Jiu-Jitsu, our ability to inflict injury upon another person increases exponentially. The truth is, it doesn’t take much skill to seriously harm—or even kill—an untrained person. A basic choke, a well-placed joint lock, or a perfectly executed throw could easily leave someone unconscious or severely injured.
However, as our combat abilities increase, so too should our restraint, kindness, and humility.
The Strength in Being Gentle
Being a skilled martial artist does not mean walking around with a chip on your shoulder, trying to prove your dominance. Quite the opposite.
We should be approachable, kind, and friendly.
We should be gentle in our interactions with others.
We should be humble, knowing that we don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
There’s no need for bravado because we know what we are capable of. We pressure-test our skills constantly in training, rolling, and sparring. Our arts have already been proven through centuries of combat and competition. There is no need to posture, threaten, or boast.
Unfortunately, in today’s world, many people mistake kindness for weakness.
When the Needle is Necessary
Despite our efforts to remain calm, composed, and kind, there will always be people who try to test us.
Some may try to take advantage of our cordial nature in social or professional settings.
Some may attempt to intimidate us or impose their will through threats or bullying.
Some may escalate situations to the point of physical conflict.
This is where the needle comes into play.
A verbal altercation, for example, does not have to escalate into violence—but standing our ground confidently, without backing down or becoming aggressive, is often enough to deter intimidation. We don’t have to meet hostility with hostility; we can meet it with calmness, awareness, and quiet strength.
However, if a situation does escalate to physical confrontation, we have already trained for it.
The Power of Confidence in Conflict
Unlike the average person, we have an arsenal of well-practiced techniques that allow us to:
Control a situation with minimal harm.
Neutralize threats efficiently.
Remain calm under pressure.
Because of our constant training, we are more prepared than most to handle aggression. We know how to manage distance, break grips, and counter physical threats effectively.
That confidence alone often prevents conflicts from even starting.
Embodying the Cotton Ball and Needle Philosophy
So how do we truly live out this philosophy in our daily lives?
Be Kind, but Not a Doormat – Treat others with respect, but don’t let people walk all over you.
Stay Humble, but Unshaken – You don’t have to prove anything, but you also don’t have to tolerate disrespect.
Remain Gentle, but Ready – Be approachable and friendly, but know when to stand your ground.
Hope for Peace but Prepare for Conflict (Stole this one from my Army days) – The best fighters are those who rarely have to fight, but are ready if the time comes.
· Use Your Skills Responsibly – Martial arts should empower, not oppress.
Warrior in the garden
The "cotton ball with a needle" philosophy is one that I believe every martial artist should embrace. We train not to hurt others, but to protect ourselves and those around us. The more skilled we become, the more we must focus on patience, humility, and wisdom.
There are two sayings, which I don’t know who to attribute, but I think are important to consider:
“A man who can’t fight isn’t peaceful, he is harmless”
“Its better to be a warrior in the garden, than a gardener in war”
We should strive to be soft and light on the outside, treating others with kindness and respect. But should someone press too hard, we must not hesitate to remind them that we are not without our defenses.
And if we live by this balance—gentle in nature, but unshakable when tested—we embody what it truly means to be a martial artist. Never forget that we practice, Jiu-Jitsu – the gentle art, and Judo – the gentle way.
